Visitations and Fun
by Shidoni8
Summary: A strange and random oneshot in which there are awkward pauses and lots of yelling! Please read because I guarantee at least one laugh per person!


**Look what I wrote! This is just some fun I thought up and then elaborated on... also my little brother helped me with part of it so he gets some credit too! It's just approximately 1000 words of inane fun-ness so be thankful that you're breathing and just read the oneshot!**

Visitations and Fun

"SHUT UP!" Kyo shouted. "WHAT YOU SAW MEANS NOTHING!"

"Oh," said Shigure slyly, "so it means nothing that after a pleasant day of avoiding my wonderful editor I come home to find the two of you plus a very beautiful flower cozy and warm on the couch, therein fulfilling all of my hopes and dreams for young love in the household?" Yuki, whom had just entered and was standing by the kitchen door, and Kyo, clutching the front of Shigure's summer kimono threateningly, looked equally shocked.

"Shigure, it wasn't what it looked like, I assure you." Yuki spoke quietly.

"That's what you say, but I know you are all head over heels in a _steamy_ love triangle!"

"You inu hentai," Kyo growled, "you don't even know the whole story, what happened before you walked in the damn door!"

"As a romance novelist I am prone to knowing what goes on before two men and a lady end up on a couch together!" Shigure sang. Yuki and Kyo's faces reddened.

"Tohru wouldn't… she'd never-" Kyo struggled to get his thoughts out, then settled for, "BAKA HENTAI!" Shigure simply sang _Kyo, Tohru, and Yuki. Lying on a couch, c-u-d-l-i-n-g _(Shigure's not dumb, he justaltered the spelling). Kyo pulled back, getting ready to slam Shigure a good one. But then Yuki stopped him with a simple raised hand. Kyo looked quizzically at Yuki then anger filled his face again. "How can you be on his side, you kuso nezumi! How can you just let him trash Tohru? All of us?" Shigure was still singing, "_second comes the baby but first came se-" _Kyo clapped a hand over Shigure's mouth, still watching Yuki.

"I'm not on his side," Yuki said, anger evident in his face as he glared vehemently at Shigure, "I simply suggest we solve this in a slightly less violent course of action."

Kyo reluctantly let go of Shigure, and stared pointedly at Yuki, "What did you have in mind, genius?" he asked sarcastically.

"I read once in a magazine that to get a dog to discontinue any action," he paused, glancing at Shigure who was still trying to sing through Kyo's hand and was now makinginane gestures with his hands that could mean anything, Yuki sighed and started over, "To get a dog to discontinue any action, you simply flick him on the nose."

There was a pause. Shigure sang on, muffled by Kyo's hand.

"What the hell kind of old wives' tale is that!" Kyo yelled.

Suddenly Tohru walked in the door to the kitchen,

"Hello everyone! Oh, what's going on here?" All eyes were on Tohru, silently six eyes stared, wide at the young brunette. Yuki and Kyo's eyes met and they slowly mirrored each other's expressions to that of a calculating smile.

"Miss Honda, would you do us a small favor?" Yuki asked her, smiling more kindly now.

"Anything Yuki-kun, what do you need?"

"Mff Mk mm mfl mnn gmf mkn mnm fm hmmm" (This translates roughly into "I think we all know what Yuki needs from Tohru." Kyo glared at Shigure with even more intensity, if it was even possible.

"Come over here and flick this inu on the nose," there was a pause and Yuki looked pointedly at Kyo, who added a hasty, "please."

"Um, Kyo-kun… Why-"

"Please," Kyo said through clenched teeth, "just do it."

"Um, okay. If you two say so," Shigure shook his head and 'um'edthroughKyo's handtrying to tell her, "Don't do it!" Kyo and Yuki looked at her reassuringly and nodded encouragingly. Tohru didn't know why, but there must have been a reason for this request so she walked up to Shigure and, not too hastily, flicked him on the nose.

Shigure jumped away from Kyo, clutching his nose and wailing. Tohru immediately flew into a frenzy and started babbling.

"Shigure-san, I'm so so so so sorry! I didn't think It would hurt that much, it's all my fault. I'm so sorry, will you ever forgive me? It's just that Yuki and Kyo looked so sure, and I want to make them happy because I'm secretly madly in love with both of-" She stopped, shocked at her words, then continued in a different vein. "Anyway, I'm so sorry. I'm so ashamed. I'm not worthy to live here anymore, I'll just go pack and by the way I'm so so so so so SOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

Suddenly Ritsu Sohma crawled in, wearing a pink floral kimono he looked up at the occupants of the house and said in a pitiful and prostrate voice,

"Did someone say 'sorry'?"

Eight pairs of eyes did this, **O.o**. Ritsu looked at their stricken faces and left quietly, bowing his head sadly. It was as if time had stopped as they all stood, Shigure clutching his nose, mouth open in a silent,gaping howl: Kyo glaring at Yuki because: Yuki had his arm protectively around Tohru who was quietly sobbing into his shoulder.

Then time started moving again.

Kyo flew at Yuki screaming something about how he would beat the kuso nezumi and finally join the zodiac and blah blah blah, the usual. Yuki let go of Tohru who ran out of the room, still sobbing and up the stairs, still sobbing. Yuki retaliated and beat the crap out of Kyo while a background track of the sound of Shigures' continued wails played throughout the house. Suddenly a wailthat actuallycontained words flew out of Shigure's mouth and the words were,

"Aya, J'taime! Help me!" Kyo and Yuki stopped dead, knowing they would come to curse those words because seconds later Aya, in snake form, slithered into the kitchen. Once again, time stood still as all eyes were once again occupied with a newcomer to the kitchen, who then said pompously, gesturing with the point of his silver tail,

"Gure-san! I have come to save you my love! But first, I am cold, where is Tohru?"

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

**Well, wasn't that fun?**

**I know it was... Anyway, review and tell me if it was funny because I'm addicted to feedback and if I don't get some every week I die. makes puppy dog eyes You wouldn't want to be responsible for my death? Would you?**

**I didn't think so! So review, 'kay? Loves to you all!**


End file.
